The wretchedest of all wretched musical abortions, the tom-tom.
Mark Twain
I love to hear myself talk, because I get so much instruction and moral upheaval out of it, but I lode the bulk of this joy when I charge for it.
Mark Twain
A Southerner talks music…The educated Southerner has no use for an ‘r’ except at the beginning of a word. He says ‘honah,’ and ‘dinnah,’ and ‘govenah,’ and ‘befo the waw,’ & so on.
Mark Twain
Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
Mark Twain
There are many humorous things in the world; among them the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
Mark Twain
I have always felt friendly towards Satan. Of course that is ancestral; it must be in the blood.
Mark Twain
Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion- several of them.
Mark Twain
When red-headed are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.
Mark Twain
If poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write much better when they recover.
Mark Twain
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"I have been an author for twenty years, and an ass for fifty-five."
